Walking in your own truth!!! I’ve heard it a million times, but was this saying relevant? Well, no, not to me, and anything that I had going on in my life. I’m confident, and I keeps it all the way real, all of the time. So how is now that I am approaching 40, and this phrase that I’ve heard over and over again, is so relevant and won’t disappear from my subconscious?
Society tells women that you are supposed to find a man, fall in love, and have children (preferably and perfect boy and a dainty little girl). Love, marriage, kids (in that order). So why is it that when this order is tampered with it is ok? One can have the child first, no judgement. One can even have the child with no marriage and, no judgement there either! (hmmm) However, what happens when the order is perfect? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes, no one pushing a baby carriage? Houston they must have a problem. The whispers and the judgement that comes along with latter are endless.
I am about to engage into a topic that has been considered taboo since the beginning of time. Fertility! Some I will offend, and others I will enlighten. Fertility shaming is a discussion that needs to be had, and brought to the forefront. Along with fertility shaming goes hand in had with fertility intruding. What I define fertility intruding as is involving yourself in matter of another persons reproductive organs as it relates to conception.
Have you ever asked a friend or co-worker “when are you going to have a baby, you know your biological clock is ticking?” Or “when are you going to try for number two?” Or have you ever made a reference to another woman’s ability to have a child based on her physical attributes? For example, I know you’re going to have a bunch of children with those child bearing hips.
if so, you may be guilty of intruding another woman’s reproductive organs? Do you actually think that a woman doesn’t know that her biological clock ticks? In addition, are you aware that having a second child may not be an option for some. It’s quite possibly that the woman you are speaking to may have been nearly on their death bed giving birth to their first child, and may no longer have any reproductive organs to conceive again. Lets now consider the fact that because of a sexual assault, the woman with those child bearing hips may now be left her infertile. What has to stop is the ease and willingness for one to intrude on another’s personal reproductive space. Society has to get used to notion that a person’s reproductive organs are only the business of themselves and their significant other. Let’s be clear this does not just end with female shaming.
My goal is to bring awareness to fertility shaming and fertility intruding. I have been the victim of fertility shaming by people that are close to me some meant to do it intentionally while others did not (just lack of knowledge). It is not a secret that I have suffered two miscarriages. I have not been diagnosed as infertile, because I can get pregnant. I choose at this time not to adopt, or explore options as far as medical intervention is concerned. If it is God’s will I will give birth, if not, at this time I am cool with that too. I have decided to write this book so that I can free myself from this box that I have been living in, the box of fear and shame. Freeing myself from this will allow me to walk in my own truth.
Hello to anyone reading this, I am 39 years old, married, and have 0 biological children and I am owning it!